


The 16th Way-Fam Legislative Meeting

by SalParadiseLost



Series: The Wayne Family Emergency Manual [4]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Governmental Procedures, Dick Grayson is So Done, Diplomatic Duke Thomas, Do not let the Robins, Fluff, Gen, It's a character now, Jason is also Done, Just the Batfam being dorks, Run a Meeting, Sibling Bonding, Siblings, The Way-Fam, The Wayne family - Freeform, The most fun with legislative procedure I've ever had, This is pure fluff, Tim is Typing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:28:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29148213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SalParadiseLost/pseuds/SalParadiseLost
Summary: The Batkids try to hold an organised meeting.It goes about as well as you would expect it to.**can be read as a stand-alone*
Relationships: Stephanie Brown & Cassandra Cain & Tim Drake & Dick Grayson & Jason Todd & Damian Wayne
Series: The Wayne Family Emergency Manual [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2094495
Comments: 22
Kudos: 254





	The 16th Way-Fam Legislative Meeting

Duke rapped the gravel against the podium set up in Batcave, drawing the meeting into order.

“Hear Yee, Hear Yee, I officially commence the 16th Meeting of the Sidekick Society. Purpose of Meeting: routine legislation.” He used a fake English accent that definitely would have made Alfred scoff if he was there.

Scoff and give Duke one of those, “Disappointed-Father” looks that made all of them shudder.

There was a collective groan around the long table and Tim snorted as he typed that into the meeting minutes: _All: *Collective groaning as Duke tries to use that terrible British accent that he keeps insisting is good.*_

Tim knew he would have to clean up the minutes a bit later. But for now, this was fun.

“I still think we should change the name,” Steph said while picking at a small chip in the table. Her elbow was propped up and she looked like she wanted to be anywhere else.

“Yeah, but it took us one hour and 45 minutes to come up with this name in the first place.” Jason griped. He was leaning back dangerously in his chair with his feet propped on the table. Damian kept giving him dangerous side-eyes and Tim knew that the demon was probably a few moments away from spouting something about “not disrespecting his Father’s tactical table” or whatever.

Duke coughed loudly, drawing their quickly wandering attentions. “As President of the Society, I say we keep the naming discussion tabled for a later time. I’m not sure we _really_ want to get into that discussion again.”

There was a collective silence because no one actually wanted to start up the miniature war that had been their Naming argument. Tim still had nightmares about Dick’s terrible puns and the errant cookie that had somehow smacked against him hard enough to leave a bruise.

He shook his head and put a quick record of the current events into the meeting’s minutes.

“Thank you,” Duke said, sitting down and putting the gavel aside. “Now that we are all here and collected because _someone_ finally answered his text messages.” He gave a heavy side-eye to Jason, who just shrugged.

“We will commence the meeting in our standard fashion on having our Society Secretary, Mr. Timothy Drake, read out the last ten minutes of the previous meeting.”

Steph huffed, placing her head in a hand. “You don’t have to say his name each time. We all know who he is and giving him a false sense of importance goes to his head.”

Rude. But maybe a little accurate if he was being honest with himself.

Tim stood, balancing his laptop as he switched positions with Duke at the podium. Immediately, he felt all of his siblings’ eyes land on him and he got a familiar nervous feeling in his stomach.

It still shocked him sometimes how _much_ family he had now.

“The reading of the previous meeting is as is…” He took a deep breath readying himself for this.  
  
“The timestamp is 5:35 p.m.

_Damian: Are we finished yet? I am about done with this tyranny._

_Dick: It’s not tyranny. We elected Duke to president fair and square. That’s democracy._

_Jason: Squirt’s just angry he didn’t get voted class president._

_Background: *the sound of a katana swinging and the ripping of a leather jacket*_

_Jason: What the fuck! I just bought this to replace the other jacket you ruined._

_Damian: Then, stop giving me reasons to ruin them, Todd._

_Steph: If you keep swinging that thing, I’m going to smack you._

_Cass: Enough._

_Background: *the sound of a katana getting thrown across the room as Cass yeets it like a badass*_

_Duke: We are almost done. We just need to make sure no one else has anything to say._

_Dick: I would like to protest Rule 2._

_Jason, Steph, Damian, and Tim: NO._

_Cass: no._

_Dick: It’s a terrible rule!_

_Tim: No, it’s a very, very good rule. You’re the only one who doesn’t like it._

_Dick: Come on, Timmy, you have to admit you miss my puns! They are the lifeblood of this family!_

_Tim: Funny, we seem to be doing just fine without “our lifeblood”._

_Dick: Jaybird, you miss my puns right?_

_Jason: Hell no._

_Dick: Steph?_

_Steph: No way. Last time we fought the Penguin you made 45 ice puns. 45. I counted._

_Dick: Dami? How about it? Support your big brother?_

_Damian: It is unbecoming of you to use such foolish wordplay. For once, I agree with all the failed Robins._

_Duke: We will put it to a vote._

_Duke: By order of Assembly, Rule 2 is held, and Mr. Dick Grayson is still banned from puns and using his self-proclaimed “punny bone”. Coincidentally, we have also broken our record of quickest vote by 3 seconds._

_Dick: You all have betrayed me._

_Damian: No. We have all engaged in your precious democracy._ ”

With that, Tim ended his speech and suppressed a grin as straightened next to his laptop. He tried to keep a little his composure but was rapidly failing as he watched Duke try to get his siblings back under control.

The poor boy was reaching for the gavel again as if that would do anything.

Dick was fuming, arms crossed and looking like a pouting child instead of one of the greatest vigilantes that Gotham had ever known. Beside him, Jason had started a round of finger football with Steph across the table. She was murmuring encouragements to herself while lining up the white triangle, about to take the shot. Damian was watching the game with interest that he was trying to hide behind boredom.

None of them were paying attention to Duke.

Even Cass, who was usually their last pillar in maintaining professionalism, was leaning over Jason’s shoulder, enrapt in the sudden table-top sports.

It was strangely domestic for a crime-fighting family that spent most nights bouncing across rooftops and trying not to get killed.

Duke gave a heavy sigh that signaled that he was probably regretting all the life decisions that brought him to this point.

“Thank you, Mr. Drake,” he said loudly, trying desperately to hold on to the last little bit of professionalism they had left. Steph startled, making the shot go wildly off-course and plunge into the depths of the Batcave. All of them watched in horror as the small paper football met its demise.

“Now, for the first order of business.” Duke yet again attempted to get the meeting back on track. “We have a new Protocol that’s been proposed to be added into the Wayne Family Emergency Manual. It’s the…”

Duke did a double-take on whatever he had written on his paper. His eyebrows scrunched together, and he was the perfect picture of confusion.

“The Sparkling Sassafras Protocol?”

There was a beat of silence before Jason erupted.

“You Dick, we said you weren’t allowed to use puns anymore!”

Their oldest brother laughed, holding up his hands in surrender. “That wasn’t a pun. That was alliteration.” Dick’s normally friendly smile turned into a smirk. “I would think you would know that best out of anyone, Little Wing.”

Jason froze, gaze narrowing into an icy glare that could rival Bruce’s. “Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare bring Mrs. O’Malley into this.”

Dick hummed, inspecting his nails with nonchalance. “What was it that you called her again? ‘A terrible tightass that t—‘”

Dick was cut off by a cookie being lobbed at his head and dissolved into peals of laughter.

“She said to be honest when we wrote poetry!”

“Not that honest! You were suspended for two days.”

“Worth it. She needed to hear it.”

Tim bit back a groan as he kept frantically typing everything his siblings said into the laptop. At this rate, they were definitely going to be here for the next two hours.

A cookie flew through the air and Tim narrowly ducked away from it. It made a sharp crack against the Cave floor, probably achieving speeds that a cookie should never experience.

Unfortunately for Tim, this was just another normal meeting for the Wayne Family.

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't my best work, but it's fun and it makes me giggle, so I figured I'd share it. 
> 
> I'm a law student and I've been forced to read so many statutes and rules and legislative whatevers and all that boring stuff. Somehow, it inspired me to write this, though. 
> 
> Please leave a kudos and comment! Flattery gets you everywhere.


End file.
